Making The Best Out Of This

“You have breast cancer.” I could see them waiting for my reaction. “Ok”, I said. After being an oncology nurse for several years the news didn’t impact me. And after how my life has turned around and the way things have unfolded around me lately, nothing surprises me anymore. With pathology results, a book on breast cancer, tons of information, and a follow up appointment with a surgeon I headed home. I don’t know if it was denial or laziness, but everything stayed in my car untouched until the day of the appointment.

I met the surgeon couple of weeks later. He explained the biopsy results and asked me what I wanted. But I didn’t know. I went for an MRI guided biopsy and another area showed more cancer cells. “Ok. Definitely, I need a double mastectomy”, I thought. “Let’s make the best out of this. I want reconstruction and a little bigger”, I said. “That’s the spirit”, the nurse said. “I’ll take care of that for you”, the surgeon said.

My friend Lisa called. She took the day off in case I needed her. And I needed her to drive me to the surgery. Next thing I know, I woke up in my bed, at home. I could hear my grandkids laughing and playing in the porch. The baby was laying next to me making me feel useful and happy. I’m blessed in so many ways. Today my trust in God is stronger than ever. No need to ask or tell Him anything. I know He got my back. No matter what may be; Is it a friend by my side, the laughter of my little ones, the love of my family, or bigger boobs (πŸ˜‚), God knows how to make the best out of this new challenge in my life.

Bursting In Colors

When I was a little girl I was fascinated by a glass prism I had. I don’t remember how I came about to have it. But I loved every time a ray of sun entered the glass and colors burst out painting the walls all over my room. There was no way to know where the blue, red or yellow would end. I only knew the colors would come out. It was like a moment of celebration I looked forward to with greater expectation every time. Later on, I understood why a single ray of sun could change into multiple colors. I learned of the angles the glass had and how each color would travel at a different speed bending at different times, splitting, and coming out in different colors, instead of all mixed and together in a single ray of white light. Because each color was unique.

I grew up in Church. Going to church every Sunday made us good people. We followed certain rules, dressed up the same way, our thoughts were alike; we belonged to something and were accepted. Later on I learned that we were accepted as long as our thinking was like everybody else. We couldn’t be bent. Being bent meant that we were weak and not like the rest. That would contradict the ideas that had been put in our hearts. We had to be like a single ray of sun, traveling together without ever being disrupted or changed. And as a ray of light, I followed what I thought was expected of me.

As I grew up, I began to discover there were multiple colors in the world, that just like me, could paint the world beautifully. They were different. They traveled at a different speed than me. They bent at any angle life put in front of them, and they kept on shining! How amazing! A different color; a different speed; but coloring the world in beautiful ways. Could that be possible?

One day, I decided to step outside of the painted lines and walked away from the expectations people had for and about me. I realized I was being limited and unable to reach out the fullness of what I was capable of. Actually, God had better expectations for me; much better than what the organization or system had. I had been kept in bondage. Structures were no longer what called my attention or what I needed. Like the people of Israel, I needed to step out into the wilderness in faith and look for what would bring bright colors out of my life and reflect in others as ways to shine more brightly than they ever knew.

The moment my foot stepped outside the lines, I realized I was damaged goods. I had been hurt by a system that was never looking for my own good but for what will work best for it. However, God had a better place for me, where I would be a real agent of change. I searched for different angles in life that would bring the colors that were screaming to be let out of my life. In my quest, I was amazed by rays of light that beautiful people brought outside their life, making every moment a humbling moment. Ever since, I’ve been searching for a more challenging angle in life that would bring out a brighter color than before.

The path I have chosen to walked, has been filled by momentary angles that I have not regretted experiencing. In fact, I have entered each one at my own free will bursting my life in colors I never knew existed. And I will do it all over again…

Stepping Out

Every day life discloses a road filled with smooth and rough moments. Happy and sad moments. Ugly moments and beautiful moments. Embarrassing and proud moments. Moments that make us question the reasons why things happen the way they do. Why are we put in situations that are confusing? Why are we forced to make difficult decisions? However, every moment lived and every little step into the unknown opens up our eyes to beautiful, yet turbulent and unexplained moments. Moments that will be forever part of our life, transforming us into who we are.

There will be instances that will captivate, amaze, or overwhelm us. If we welcome those moments, we will be transformed forever. Because we will discover beauty in everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. Only we can make the decision to either embrace the challenges and evolve, or to remain stagnate and rot. Transformation is not an easy process. It will be painful. Painful memories and unsound habits have grown deep inside our heart becoming part of our soul, need to be pulled from us. As they are eradicated through pain and confusion, we hurt. It is never easy to be brought out of our comfort zone; a zone where we feel safe and unchallenged.

And I ask you today, what makes you vulnerable? What evil have you allowed to grow deep inside of you preventing you from reaching your full potential and dreams? What is rotting inside your soul? What beauty are you keeping to yourself not allowing others to see and love? When we step out from our comfort zone the result will be a life filled with pride and a sense of fulfillment, peace and joy.

And that my friend, will only be the beginning.